Thematea's Journals

Naslov nije potreban

Kazu da je trenutak u kojem sumnjas u sebe, trenutak u kojem si blizu uspjeha

Znate sto je covjek? Nerazuman, nelogican i ponekad sebican.
Bila sam sve to, mala osoba sa velikim manama.
Budi iskrena prema sebi kako ne bi bila lazna prema drugima.
Nemoguce je samo velika rijec koju koriste mali ljudi da bi lakse zivjeli u svijetu koji im je dan umjesto da potraze snagu da bi ga promijenili.. nemoguce nije nista.. to je izazov, nemoguce je mogucnost.. nemoguce je NISTA

Mozda zivim u oblacima ali recimo da sam sama sebi zacrtala neki cilj, a sad ga se pridrzavam.. U nekim situacijama pokusavam biti ravnodusna, ne zainteresirana, hladna.. ali ne ide mi bas od ruke.. previse sam osjecajna. u nekim stvarima sam sama sebe razocarala i iznevjerila ali trudim se ispraviti gluposti koje sam sama sebi dopustila. Ne odustajem od stvari ili osoba koje volim.. pa makar bila cijena mojeg ponosa... ne zelim se svima otvoriti do kraja.. volim biti tajanstvena... niti zelim da netko zna apsolutno sve o meni. Brbljava sam, glasna, brzo planem na sitnice. Ne volim laz.. to je "sitnica" koja me ubija.
Uvijek zelim dati sve od sebe, uvijek imam volje za napraviti nesto novo.

hm..
vjerujem u ovaj zivot.
vjerujem u srecu
i vjerujem u proslost.
vjerujem u lijepe trenutke
vjerujem u smijeh bez granica
vjerujem u sarene bombone (nadam se da ce mi ih netko kupiti.. one gumene..)

vjerujem u svako svoje iskustvo
vjerujem da se sve dogaÄ‘a s razlogom i da iza svega stoji nesto novo
vjerujem da je u svakom mom razocaranju jedan veliki korak naprijed

vjerujem da je sve ono lose ustvari dobro i da me to cini boljom osobom
vjerujem u ono sto osjecam bez imalo sumnje (lijep osjecaj)
i vjerujem da je iza svega toga ono nešto
vjerujem u sebe i svoje samopouzdanje i ako ponekad nisam dovoljno odlucna i uporna..
vjerujem da se ljudi s vremenom mjenjaju.
vjerujem da su stihovi pjesama ponekad tocno ono sto osjecam
vjerujem u kemiju izmeÄ‘u dvoje ljudi
vjerujem u ljubav koja traje i traje..i dugo se ne brise i ne nestaje.
da. vjerujem u sve to.

vjerujem u prijateljstvo
vjerujem u bolje sutra, jer iz svakog zla ima nesto dobro
vjerujem da ponekad dobro doÄ‘e jedan dan sa losim iskustvom jer nikad nebi znala cijeniti one dobre

vjerujem u buducnost

jos uvijek trcim za necim nedostiznim, al nije tako jednostavno, i ne odustajem... nikad, nikad, nikad ....protivim se prokletoj paucini, ali hvata me neka sjena i baca me u svoju mrezu. stvarno ponekad imam dojam da se previse trudim oko nekih stvari dok mi drugi jasno pokazuju da im nije stalo. nimalo. a da mozda jednostavo podignem tu bijelu zastavicu? ne, nije stvar u razmazenoj djevojcici koja je navikla imati sve i samo za sebe..a sto je s onim strahom? hm..

Shvatila sam da svi mi kad-tad dobijemo svoj racun za srecu na blagajni zivota..
Suze se naplacuju a jedino je bol besplatna.
Zelim se izgraditi do kraja, ne zelim ostati slagalica koja uvijek izgubi neke djelove.

Tu ce uvijek biti neki ljudi koji ce mi osporavati sve, ubiti moju zelju za uspjehom, svaku moju motivaciju i nadu u bolje sutra. Zalosno je sto su ti ljudi od samih pocetaka u mom zivotu i sto im je jedini zadatak bio da me izgrade kao osobu... tuzno je sto ta uloga nije bila preuzeta, tuzno je sto sam kroz sve morala prolaziti sama, jebeno sama, i nikad mi nije bilo tesko, bas nikad. Barem to nisam pokazivala, nemogu ni sada... mislim da nikada necu moci... jedina je razlika u tome sto sada nemam razloga pokazivati negativne osjecaje, u mojem rijecniku one ne postoje, ajde... bit cu iskrena, bar ne uvijek.... jer on je tu......

Volim ga. I znam da to zna.
Imam zelju toliko proci s njim.
Da mi uvijek bude oslonac i da znam da mu mogu reci sve.
Zelim da zna da je moja bolja polovica.
I znam da imamo nesto sto puno ljudi nema..
Imam njega takvog kakav je. I zelim da ostane takav.
Poseban.

Zelim pobjeci daleko daleko daleko u ovome trenutku...
Ali sto dobivam s tim, kao uvijek, suocena sa ovim ruznim svijetom, sa skoro nemogucim zeljama, i previsokim ciljevima...
Tako ce biti uvijek... i laze onaj ko kaze da ce biti bolje... NECE!
Jedina je razlika u tome sto sada znam kako proci preko svega...
I znate one suze koje se kupuju... eh nemam novaca za plakanje...

Samo je bitno sto je on tu!

I volim ga !

Another passion in my life

Hi guys :)

I decided to share with u another passion in my life... u all can guess, it's make up.. haha

For so many years i've been learning about make up, beauty, face shapes and so on... now i'm starting to doing house calls on make up... i'll do make up for photho sessions, weedings and other... My view of this is that the make up is way of expressing yourself, just another art like painting or music, it's not about becoming more beautiful or wearing mask & tone of products on your face, it's more like creating ur vision of something but not on paper, then on human skin... haha... hope u get it...

I find my inspiration everywhere .. nature, flowers, seasons of the year & i combine the colors how i think they suit... it's all about colors... i realized that girls today don't wear so many make up, specially not colorful eyeshadows, it's always just mascara, eyeliner & powder... it's sad to me... i know that it's hard to put eyeshadow on ur lids, and that u had to have great brushes, but those girls shoul just practice a bit, or come to me, LOL.

So let me, make up junkie, to show u my storage :

My new make up bag... so big & so practical ;)

My lil altar in my room :)

This is it for now guys... u'll see more soon...

MuahzZZZ

Matea^^

There will always be another mountain

When i was a little girl, i always thought that i would have everything, and by that time i had everything... and i was feeling happy. Even though it was a war in my country, although the sirens were waking me up every morning and my dad would carry me to the nuclear shelter, although i was watching tanks on TV instead of cartoons , i really was happy. My family was there, always by my side and i felt like anything couldn't harm me. When i grow up a bit, i realized that this world is such a nasty place to live in, that people around you have so many faces, and they are showing only the good ones ( bed ones come to late)! I started dreaming that i could change this world that we are living in, i started to change my world... and i was feeling great. I had all i need and i still believed that i can achieve anything that i put myself into. Although the world was like huge fucking masquerade ball, where all was wearing the masks, my party was without make up! At least i thought it was. Soon after my perception started to change, people who i loved the most stabed the knife in my back. My family who was always there for me, like in that shelter, left me alone. My pretty pink world become a black hole without the end. My life started to loosing meaning, i started loosing myself. And this was the hardest thing to deal with. Looking yourself drowning and there isn't anyone offering you a hand... I always was a cry baby, not spoiled just drama & panic about everything. This was the first time in my life when i wasn't crying, the hardest period of my life and i didn't had any tear left. That's strange! Some doctors told me that nobody can't help me until i decide that i wanna help myself. They were right... maybe... but i still couldn't find any reason to move on... this little girl stopped dreaming and wishing things for which she thought it would come true. It's painfully to talk about it, but... I don't wanna mourn about the story of my life, i don't want to people feel sorry about me, this isn't point of what i am saying. I'm a big girl now ( at least i think i am ), and so many years passed. I can say i feel happy now, again, i still don't have everything , but i'll keep trying. I know there will always be a room for my wishes. Not in mine pink life, but in this cruel, masquerade ball , called world. We all know there will always be another mountain to climb, or lake to swimm, people who will wish you all the worst and trying you not to succeed in life... but it's easier for me now. Here are still my make up free friends, family and my boyfriend. The man because of who i am what i am today. Gonne trough alot and become a human finally... I'm screming this ya all : I'm still that same little girl, living a pink dream, who wanted so many, but now had achieve so much. And i will always leave place for more !!!

Summer is over, for now

Hi everyone =)))

Well my summer for this year is over, had so much fun, starting from 1th of July( when my exams finished ) till now... so many things had changed in my life, every summer is like a big turn for me... new ideas and goals in life.... i had so much free time ( very strange for me ) that i've been thinking a lot...second year of college will be hear in a heartbeat, i'm staring to work next week... president elections this time, can't wait, but it's goin to be a big rush... also i've decided to learn one more language ( it's very important for me cause i'll choose international law on the third year )... now i know croatian, english, german & esperanto ( international language ), and wanna learn spanish... i know a lot of spanish but i need the certificate... also my big opsession make up will be here somewhere, i will again start to do a house calls, yeeeey :)

I'm person who has got a big goals in life, i'll always ask for a lot, never a little & i'm gonna get it... my future is very important to me... i'd rather sit all day at home and studying now, than later... we all have to make sacrifice to have something later... that's why my moto is: how u make ur bed, thats how u r going to sleep !

I have a big house at the coast inb town called Bakar.. it's a very nice place where u have everything u need, but the most important ur peace... after my last exam in constitutional law me and Danijel packed ur stuff and leave ur problems & work & school at home :) Every day wo
king really early, goin to the market, drinking coffee & making breakfast while my baby was still sleeping... After that spending all day at the beach, tanning, swimming & diving... love it ;)

Most amazing summer ever, i missed my bro & parents but when i got back in Zagreb i went with them on vacation that... love my family very much and i treasure every moment spent with them...

Starting our trip in the sunrise :)

My baby... grrr, love this pic... he smokes a lot, aight ? ;)

Carnival at Novi.... check out that huge icecream behind my head ;)

With friends from Poland... ;)

At dinner in Bakar... calamari served ;)

Dani meet his friend while we were at Opatija ( most amazing town on earth, it's similar to Monte Carlo but not that expensive ... )

Beautiful garden in fron of palace in Opatija

Hotel resort.... drinking & smoking again :)

Making a bar-b-q.... yummy ;)

My baby just woke up i have to go now... he's hungry ...haha

Stay cool...

Matea^^

Congrats red ones !

Election day yesterday... i woke up at 6 o'clock to be on my polling station, we opened it at 7 and people started to voting... i saw so many friend i haven't seen for ages... there were 3 more girs with me, we were working, laughin', visiting houses with old people who couldn't come to school to vote and so on... dani also came when i was heaving a brake... we ended it all at 7pm and then started to counting the ballots... && CONGRATS to my party, we collected the most and next 4 years we r holding the power... yeeey

This weekend was fun also... at friday i was with my girlfriends at my friends house... we had make up evening, had few drinks and then went out... it was amazing... haha, love my girls...

Saturday night i spent with Danijel & my daddy, we had so much fun... we were @ Mistral and we were planning summer for this year... we started to collecting the money but also aour parents will help us... for now we dont know when we r leaving becaouse of my exams at college & we don't know when will Danijel be off from work... so many things to do before summer, but i bought myself a bikini... haha, so cute, zebra print u guess :)

Haha, Josipa & ME ( lollipop junkie now )...

One old pic, February 2009, Stephanies b- day... me & dani :)

I lool like some king of ghost in this pic... LOL

Last weekend i was with my dad & brother on the coast... we had a one-day trip there & we were preparing our house for summer... it was great... we were claning the house, after that we went to the best restaurant and we had calamari ( my fav )... and then for some coffe & on the beach... here r some pics:

My dad & bother

In front of my hause... looks nice, right?

Me and my brother Vedran <3

Thats all for now guys, stay cool :)

Matea^^

Wa wa wummm

Feeling like this at the moment... i'm so happy happy happy... can't decribe, something strange is happenig to me... maybe my baby is one to blame... lalalalala :) I just came home, was with him at the dinner, some drink and then we came to apartment... so tired right now, but so energetic... strange mix :)

Well sorry i haven't write for so long, but i was so busy as always, and my camera cable doesn't work... bad badcamera...

This weekend was so much fun, me, danijel & few of our friend went out... couple of drinks and mood was great... i can't remember a half of a night but i know i couldn't sleep, cause dani was hitting me all the night, i'm full of bruises :)

My college is doing great, i had one exam last week, it went great, also bought few new books, i have so many thing to study, i'm going crazy... think the june is going to be pretty stressfull , and my b-day is then, i doubt i would have time to celebrate it :(

I must say my brother turn 18 last week, i can't believe how big my lil bro is... he got so many presents, but also a new way to end up in prision, haha, now the parents are not responsable for him... me & dani are planning to drove him to paint ball, but we must do our reservation first...

Also spring is already here, cannot believe how hot is outside, it's summer, this year the spring is skipped in croatia LOL

At friday me & my baby went to a lil trip round our town, al the way to a mountain beyond our town... Zagreb is so big, there are so many places to see, i tought i knew everything but i was wrong... we also did a good thing on our trip, we saw an old granny climbing the mountain to her house, at first we made a fun of her, and then we decided to drove her to the top... she was so good & nice, wish she was mine... we will think of adoption :)

Here are some pics from last week:

Me & my best friend Rule ;)

Haha, don't wanna comment this one ;)

Our trip... weeee, dani is driving & sleeping :) LOL

I promised u guys a pics of our apartmend, it's not finished, but the living room is all we ever wanted... hope u will also enjoy, cause we do, very much... my dream, purple barbie doll house :) yey

Just being angry.... & he did take this pic anyway... such a drama queen :)

Also the local elections are coming very fast, may is already here... we have big preparations at my political party, tomorow i'll be working on collecting signatures.... for our mayer ( the legendary milan bandic :)

Here are his campaigne pics ...

This is all from me for now... till i repair my camera cable :)

stay cool & wa wa wummm guys...

MuahzZZZ

Matea^^

Shut up... politician is speaking

Yo, yo people... i'm back :) LOL
Busy as always i don't have time to write as often as i want .. it's the sunday evening and i'm at home, very strange, but my baby is working and i have so many thing to study, at the moment i'm learning german law ( at german language of course ) .. i have exam at tuesday , baaaad :( Yesterday i was out with danijel,we went for some beers, then something to eat, and then watching some kind of catastrophie movie on tv... but we fall asleep and didn't saw the end of it... grrr, hate it, but i was so tired i couldn't hold my eyes open couse in the morning i had meeting in my political party, elections are coming so fast... can't wait, but i'm goin to spent whole day sitting there during election day...
Tomorow i'm goin to college, having constitutional law, after that i'm goin to eat something & than home, to wake up my baby... we must paint our living room walls... PURPLE && ONLY PURPLE.... yeeeeeeeeeey :)

One oldie but goodie :)

Haha, one silly pic, i was bored :)

While the guys were doin the floor in house i was fooling around and taking pics of them... i also put the video of it and u can see it on the page... we r finish with it now, and i must say it looks amazing... i'll post pics of the whole thing when everything will be finished in house... here are some new stuff we bought and i'm lovin it :)

I can't believe we have zebra print rug... i never tought danijel will let me to buy something like this... & he did, i love u because of that baby :)

Super cute cupcake tea pot & also tea cups with it :)

Check out this black glass table... it was so cheap & it will be perfect match with our rug :)
Yesterday was mine & danijels first relationship universary , i can't believe one year pased and we love each other so badly, i must say every day with him is so special, every time i see him it feels like the first time, every time i kiss him i want more... and every day i love him more and more.... baby thank u for entering my life, please stay in it till the end... I LOVE U <3

Till next time....
luv ya all...

Matea^^^^

Always waiting for something... in line of course

hi friends....
i'm so proud of myself, must say i past one more exam at college & i'm also establishing one organization for kids in my hood :) it will be some kind of art classes, music education, watching movies, celebrating b-days , & also education about human rights & civil obligations.... i think young people in our country doesn't have enough knowledge about politics.... so i think my plan will succeed... at the moment i'm making all the rules for this organization !
Me & Danijel were at shopping last week... we bought new stuff for our house, and i promised i'll put it here to show u guys...
At Friday my bestie had a big b-day party, we had so much fun... & this year we didn't break anything... LOL
Last few days i'm really into leggings again, i bought one bright pink, one sequin blue, and also floral ones... i'm in love with them. &'m also making myself a new white/pink/turquoise dress... i think it will be amazing...
Now i must go to college, buy some books for this midterm, & meet my baby for some coffee, we also must pick up some new lamps we bought last week...

Always thinking... so many things in this small head.. Matea^^^

Cigarette junkies, we are done with this tomorrow

New sealing lamp... mmmmm love it :)

Perfect super cute white make up table :)

Sitting table, amazing pattern....!

I'm in desperate need to find this cute shabby chic jewelery chest ^^

Today me & danijel were shopping for our house... we made the whole plan for it... we bought floor for rooms, white pictures on which we will put silver fabric for our walls, and tomorrow we will buy the whole new room with bed, closets & night tables... can't wait...

Busy day tomorrow, about to eat some tomato soup & go to bed...
Love u all...

Matea^^

Valentine weekend with my baby

Hi hearts !
I'm feelin so nostalgic and loving when i'm writing this... I have spent the most amazing weekend in my life with Danijel. We were @ Samobor and had a great time together... Planning this trip was so funny but living this dream is much better. We came at hotel at 12 am.. We unpacked and went out to grab something to eat. We found one old pizza restaurant which looks like sailor man boat... very original :) After that we went to walk , taking pics & checking out the town which was preparing for big carnival... so exciting... haha i also took a pic with our prime minister caricature...!
At the evening we dressed up and went to a procession of masks.... it was great but so cold so we ended up at hotel, warmin eachother and celebrating the best Valentines weekend in our lifes... we r hopin' we will spend every in the future together:)

Check out our room... we got few ideas for our hause decorating... haha :P

Gorgeous bed... we wanted to stole it ...awww

Lunch at restaurant... i know, i know... i smoke to much :P

Cute lady... i don't know what she was presenting and what kind of mask that was, but she was nice :)

My baby by the river... amazing pic... and amazing him... luv u

Me & croatian prime minister... so hilarious :)

Procession started... look how cute... they look like Flinstones...

Look what Danijel won for me in fun park... he was shooting for this Spongebob and Crazy frog :)

Back in room.... i look tired... but i wasn't

Hot bathroom... i wan't one like this in our house :)

Like a Beakfast at Tiffany's ... perfect morning with my hubby !

Coffee in bar ... we must go home... i wish we had one more day there!

Kid's festival... they were all so cute!!

So gunny pic... baby, don't stick ur had anywhere... haha...
Just wanted to say... i had the most beautiful 2 days in my life, and Danijel is guilty for it :)
Hope baby, u'll stay with me. and give me so many beutiful moments... all i want is u by my side...
LOVE U MORE THAN ANYONE; AND HAPPY VALENTINES DAY !!!!!

MATEA && DANIJEL ... 14.03.2008- till forever !

xOxO
Matea^^

Week in rush!

Hi there all of u!
My nervs are at the end... i can't handle it anymore... so many activities last few months... it's only work, work and work :)
I passed my exams in politology and sociology, but i have oral exams next week! So keep fingers crossed for future politician/lawyer :)
Me and Danijel were at student restaurant yesterday... we had rice with peas and cabbage, meat loaf, and apple juice !
Haha, it was funny.... so many students at the same place, with red eyes tired from studing :)
Later we wen't to a hobby shop, and he bought me a hello kitty silver necklace and red heart pillow saying ''VOLIM TE'' ( i love u on croatian ) ! Check out the pics from photoshot we had later on our ''the beach'' LOL :

MATEA ^^^^^^^^

The local elections in May are getting closer.. this week i was workin on social program for the city Slavonski Brod...
People there are so unhappy and disapointed with situation in county, so i was there to give them a lil bit hope... i thing i did, if doesn't, had a good chat with them and their problems... can't believe how this crisis in effecting us... All i know is that: ''AFTER RAIN COMES THE SUN'' !

Ona work place... makin program for local elections!

Social Democratic Party of CROATIA :)

Yesteday night we were planinning to go to museum to check out Rembrandt's graphics, it was NIGHT of MUSEUMS in town but we end drinkin beer and having fun watching semi finalls in Handball championship which is in our country this year... Our guys woned and they go to finals in sunday... hope we will win this championship also :)
After match wqe went to casino... my baby gambled a bit, and my friend Rule also... me and nina were just watching..!
They didn't won enything if u r wondering but we had a blast :)

Till next time :)
BYE

Matea!!!